Hey, Jude

Now some of you may have been wondering why I've been absent of late, and haven't been posting nearly as much for the past few weeks. I usually don't delve too deeply into the details of my personal life here, for various reasons, but I feel that in this case a little closure might be in order, and at the very least I owe my reader(s) an explanation. Let's just say that life's been crazy for the past month or so, and aside from feeling physically down with various symptoms and whatever (including a killer migraine that lasted for two days), there have been some personal/emotional issues to deal with. I'm going to summarize them now, and probably never mention the issue again, so pay attention.

About three weeks ago, my girlfriend and I decided to end our two year relationship. There wasn't any blood spilt or harsh words exchanged, and it wasn't a complete surprise. It was an issue we had been tossing around for a few months before, and finally the time just came. Most people, when told by a friend that a breakup has happened, ask who did the breaking up. In my case, it really depends on how you see the events that happened (which I won't be elaborating on). If you look at it one way it was a mutual split, just the right time for it. If you look at it another way I'm the one who dropped the axe because I brought up the issue in the first place and at first defended the decision firmly against opposition (though I eventually changed my mind somewhat). If you look at it a third way, though, it was her call; she's the one that ultimately said 'it's over'. Needless to say, when things are as confusing as all that, feelings sometimes get hurt. There's very little closure here, for me. I don't know how she's doing. I haven't asked and I doubt she'd give me an accurate answer if I did. I, on the other hand, am hurting. Not badly, mind you; I regret neither the relationship NOR its end. I still believe the decision to separate was the right one, though I'd be a liar if I said it didn't hurt anyway. Are there any bad feelings between us? Not for my part, certainly.

So, for the past few weeks I've been coping with this sudden change in my life. Old habits die hard, and it gets very disorienting when you reach for a part of you and find it isn't there anymore. It hasn't been easy, but I get by. Hopefully within another week or two I'll be fully back to my old, cheerful self. In the meantime, however, I appreciate the understanding.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to The Beatles' Hey Jude.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it better.